No-name day

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. GORGEOUS!

The sun shone and it was so warm - for here warm. 8 Canadian, 47 American. Like April it was. The flats were quite soggy - but not yet muddy.

Bandit is not adjusting well. She hates us all. Well, not me when I have treats in my hand. And is less vicious toward me than the animals overall. But otherwise...she wanders the house growling and hissing. And she is so fat. Grossly fat. She hardly needs treats but I want her to associate being here with happy things again. Poor Macy. She is just her sweet self but occasionally has to run for cover. Dex thinks it's all pretty funny. Although he doesn't get overly close either. Even my daughter was afraid to try to pass her on the stairs because Bandit would attack.

Mom and I saw another home. Mom liked it better. The rooms were cheaper, larger and had a better layout. Meals are available any time of day between 7 and 7 which is nicer than set mealtimes. But she is not ready to move in yet.

My sister had finally called my mother and was upset that I was taking her around. It was supposed to have been her job - but she hadn't so much as called my Mom since Christmas and my mother had wanted to get on it. I'm sure there were questions we did not ask - my sister used to work in a home and would be more aware of things that could go badly but she can find out that stuff on her own anyway if she really wants to.

Dex is dragging his leash around. A not so subtle hint that it's time to take him to the flats. His earlier pleas being put off because I'm feeling draggy today. I suppose the damp is to blame. I'm not sure I can get myself going. I'm not looking forward to the mud that is sure to be everywhere today and the necessary shower for Dex afterward.

There are days, like this, when I feel like such a waste of a human being. Too lazy and non-productive. Wishing there were a way to redeem myself. But work is so boring. Money is necessary but too boring to be motivating. blah blah blah. This is life without passion.

I dreamt the other night that I won a million dollars on a scratch ticket. I was not excited. I was pleased, and relieved but otherwise just going on with my day. I am seriously lacking something.