oops

I unintentionally offended my mother last night. She phoned to tell me that my niece was coming for a visit with her newish baby (the one born on my birthday) that none of us have seen yet. We got talking as people do and one thing lead to another and someone or other we know has bought a place up near Sudbury. I voiced my dislike of the area. But then mentioned as well that I'd only seen it in winter. And of course, I had a very bad experience with the water up there. Turns out I'm allergic to it. High nickel content.

And my mother demanded to know when I was ever up there. (Lately she has been recalling her teaching days up in Chapleau and likes to think she's the only one who has been anywhere north of here.)

It was my friend's brother's wedding. I had showered before dressing and had a red rash everywhere I thought was odd. The others put it down to the water being too hot or high pressure water. I didn't think so but carried on. Went to the wedding and reception, got back to the motel, washed my face and crashed into bed. In the morning, my eyes were swollen shut and my face was puffy. We started on the drive home again and were halfway before I could open my eyes without straining. (The trip took hours and hours and hours). I was still puffy by the time we got home again. And when the water table got low at home after that, I'd get a rash after washing my face and sometimes my eyes would be a little puffy as if I'd been crying.

My mother didn't remember any of this happening. I said that I forget things too. She kept pushing it though, I suppose knowing that this was something of import that she should remember happening.You would think, but she has never really paid that much attention to anything in my life so I'm really not surprised. She remembers about the wedding (my parents had probably been invited - they were close neighbors and fairly good friends with my friend's parents) And still she pushed. And then I said that perhaps she just didn't believe me at the time.

And that's when she got upset with me. Probably because it was very likely.

My mother lives in her own world. In her world, she has never done anything wrong. In her world, I was a lot of trouble as a kid (I wasn't) and thought I told a lot of lies (I didn't). In her world, she was the best mom ever and I was spoiled rotten with her goodness. (Won't go into it but let me say this - she was not even remotely generous with her favourite.) In my mother's world, my father was not an alcoholic and he died of Alzheimer's, not hepatic encephalopathy from drinking. In her world, she knows everything there is to know about me when in fact, she knows pretty much nothing. But not knowing I am sensitive to nickel (which isn't even a biggie to me as it's easily avoided) really upset her for some reason. Evidence of her lack of nurturing perhaps. After all, I noticed my daughter's nickel sensitivity when she was still a baby (hello rash in the shape of a Carebear pendant! ). The fact that she could disregard a rash and some puffiness when I didn't rate a visit to the doctor for severe tonsilitis several times, chronic bronchitis, likely ear infections and whatever else kids are prone to, somehow isn't surprising. But I guess it just doesn't mesh with who she thinks she was then. And it offended her.